1. |
The Toad Looking Upwards
01:47
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Little toad, looking upward
with his eyes on the prize
and his belly in the dirt
Who knows where his mind has gone?
He’s got no cause for hope
but he’s got his game face on
But you can’t blame him for wanting
Blame the sky for being blue
If it’s only second nature,
could you blame me, babe, for wanting you?
Little toad, what is your endgame?
Do you think that you can change
just by changing the view?
Or is it more to keep your eyes off
the chasm between what you are
and what you want to do?
But you can’t blame us for wanting, babe
we’re drawn to what we lack
If it’s only second nature,
blame the sky for being black
-and blame the stars and planets too
-I’d blame them all if it would keep my eyes off you
It’s just the battle lines I drew
not brave enough to see it through
Little toad looking upwards
sometimes that’s all he and I can do
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2. |
I Want to Believe
02:12
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you want a mystery, you’re dying for a taste
searching out every lead while i’m searching your face
and all evidence agrees that i’m a hopeless case
though it’s not likely
that you like me like i need
it is so like me
to get mired in the weeds
i guess i’ll wait a while
cause i want to believe
i want to believe
i want to believe in this conspiracy
so let’s get a drink and i will overthink these clues
set up a map with strings connecting me to you
buddy, i’ve joined the ream of things you don’t think through
but i’m optimistic
so i’ll risk it, hey why not
so fucking patient,
almost stationary but:
let’s give it one more shot
cause i want to believe
i want to believe
so let’s give it one more beer, one more game of darts
cause i want to believe
in this conspiracy of the heart
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3. |
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i met a guy on ok cupid
he took me to wicker park, the museum of outsider art
it’s interesting
then he put his arm around me in front of a display about
the armenian genocide, and i did not know what to say
and frankly, i still don’t
except that i will never find true love and i am gonna die alone
seven billion people on this earth, and sometimes still i’m pretty sure
that ship has flown
i met a guy, a friend’s mover
and he asked me out in real life, it was such a retro move that i
was kinda charmed
then it turned out he was forty and he’d voted twice for nader
and i saw so many dealbreakers, they blotted out the table
so that was that
i will never find true love and i am gonna die alone
it’s a masochistic hobby i should save my time and money
and just stay at home
another guy, we met for cocktails
and totally unasked, he told me that he hated rap
and he thought golf was art
and look, i'm also white, so maybe this is hypocritical
but when a white guy talks like that, it makes me count the minutes 'til
i can just bolt
but when i walked outside the bar i saw the moon was very pretty
it was autumn in chicago although my love life’s shitty,
i adore my town
and my whole life is full of love, and everybody dies alone
in the meantime i’ve got friendships and a real supportive family and this stone cold fashion sense
and this phase won’t last forever, i will meet someone or just give up
and live inside a cave, i will no longer have to shave my legs
it’s not so tough
and maybe start a coven, i mean i like secret clubs and shit
and granted i’m not magic but i’d take the notes and make the snacks
and babysit
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4. |
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what are you looking for?
what are you waiting for?
what are you working towards, and do they all align?
if we’re the sum of what we do,
well tell me, who the hell are you?
and can you say you’re on your side?
you’ve been losing your own mind games
listen everyone’s got problems
but you’ve always got the same ones
it’s the deja vu that gets you
claustrophobic in your head
you are no unbiassed witness
blessed with less than zero distance
lash your body to the mast
no matter what the singing says!
though there’s no way to shut it out;
the call came from inside the house!
and you’d love to go down swinging
but it’s unclear where to aim
when you’ve been digging in your soul
for that illusion of control
and you can feed and name your demons
but that will not make them tame
—they’ll bleed you just the same
you’ve been losing your own mind games
you never learned to play to win
wouldn’t know where to begin
and there’s a level where you’re terrified
that you could be forgiven
but c’mon kid set down that stone
who ever told you to atone
for the simple act of living?
and it’s all been sung, but little darling, let the light in
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5. |
Stay Safe
02:40
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I can’t blame you for feeling down
‘cause I am not a liar
But if you’re low, take a walk around
and if you’re cold, sit by the fire
Make a list of what we’ve got left
Although it’s shorter than before
Doesn’t mean that it matters less
If anything, it matters more
And all the bands sing,
“I’d die without you”
Like that’s the height of romance
Kind of funny just how fast we both knew:
it sounds much sweeter in the abstract
But stay safe out there
Hope is in such poor repair
Stay safe out there
And come back home when you can find your way back home
So make that stupid joke again
‘Cause there is bravery in laughter
I’ll set it up and we can both pretend
we have a say in what comes after
And in the movies, it’s all so clear:
Good prevails and cue the soundtrack
We tell the stories we need to hear
Like we can get what we have lost back
But stay safe out there
It’s half an order, half a prayer
Stay safe out there
And come back home when you can find your way back home
Come back home if you can find your way back home
Come back home if you can find your way back home
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Jessica Best and the Creeping Doubts Chicago, Illinois
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